Robot Monster (1953)

Robot Monster

Great One: Earth Ro-Man, you violate the laws of plans. To think for yourself is to be like the hu-man.
Ro-Man: Yes! To be like the hu-man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?
Great One: You are an extension of the Ro-Man, and a Ro-Man you will remain. Now, I set you into motion. One: destroy the girl. Two: destroy the family. Fail, and I will destroy you!

This is my second viewing of this bad-movie classic after a gap of two years and seeing several more of its most notorious bretheren .  It stood up as still the most hilarious example of its genre I have ever seen.

A family decides to picnic in what looks to be an abandoned rock quarry on the day Robot Monster, who refers to himself as Ro-Man, is sent to destroy all the Hu-mans (as he and the Great Guidance refer to our species) on earth. Ro-Man is played by a large man in a gorilla suit wearing a diving helmet and moves very, very slowly.

The survivors have all been innoculated with a serum which prevents every known disease and also happens to defeat Ro-Man’s death ray. There are thus 8 survivors left on earth, most of them conveniently located with yards of the Ro-Man’s cave headquarters.  Ro-Man offers them a painless death if they surrender but they decline preferring “peace with honor”.

Ro-Man: I cannot – yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do “must” and “cannot” meet? Yet I must – but I cannot!

The rest of the “plot” is perhaps unnecessary save to say that Ro-Man’s downfall is his unseemly feelings for the family’s hot eldest daughter. In between, we get random stock footage of dinosaurs fighting, a very bizaare wedding, and some of the most hilarious dialog ever captured on film. With the “automatic billion bubble machine”, which receives a special credit.

How I loved this movie! I had a silly grin on my face except during the many times I was laughing out loud.  Much of the fun comes from the many unexpected, because ludicrous, happenings so I will not spoil these for anyone brave enough to try this.  I suggest getting together with a like-minded friend and possibly a few drinks for maximum enjoyment.  It is only about an hour long.

Multiple complete versions of this gem are available on YouTube, including the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, which I have never seen.  This is funny enough without an added riff track.

Trailer

Joe Dante on Robot Monster – Trailers from Hell