Category Archives: Movie Reviews

One Million Years B.C.
Directed by Don Chaffey
Written by Michael Carreras adapted from an original screenplay by Mickell Novak et al
1966/UK
Associated British Pathe/Hammer Films/Seven Arts Productions
First viewing/YouTube

[box] [repeated line] Loana: Akita![/box]

Bad anthropology meets ridiculous plot.  Throw in Raquel Welch and Ray Harryhausen and you’ve got this woman’s jam!

The first thing to know is that none of the grunts or the primitive language spoken in this movie is subtitled.  That is probably not a bad thing.  Tumak (John Richardson) is banished from his savage tribe of murderous rapists and their chattel.  A long walk takes him to the coast where he meets up with a vastly more civilized tribe.

All the women in the coast dweller tribe have bikini bodies to match their push-up leather bikinis – none more so than Loana (Raquel Welch).  Loana takes pity on Tumak and they are soon an item.  Random giant creature and dinosaur attacks and battles take place every few minutes.  These alternate with fist fights and at least one cat fight.

I don’t ask much of movies most days.  I thought this stupid movie was an absolute gas. It moves along briskly along from cheesecake to creatures in a thoroughly entertaining manner.  Ray Harryhausen apparently had even less of a budget than usual but his stuff is always fun to watch.  Don’t know why they threw in really cheesy live lizard effects as well but that only added to the fun.

The Chase
Directed by Arthur Penn
Written by Lillian Hellman from a novel by Horton Foote
1966/USA
Horizon Pictures
First viewing/Netflix rental

[box] Emily Stewart: Shoot a man for sleeping with someone’s wife? That’s silly. Half the town’d be wiped out.[/box]

Despite the sterling cast, this is a case of too much plot chasing too many characters culminating in a stupid inferno.  Add in some sadistic graphic violence and I was completely turned off.  Your mileage may vary.

Bubber (Robert Redford) was sent to prison for a crime committed by his wealthy so-called friend Jason Rogers (James Fox doing a pretty good Southern accent).  Since Bubber was incarcerated, Jason started an affair with Bubber’s wife Anna (Jane Fonda). Now Bubber has escaped and his attempt to go to Mexico has ended him up on a train headed back home.

Calder (Marlon Brando) is the town’s sheriff.  He is widely believed to be in the pocket of  Val Rogers (E.G. Marshall), James’s father.   The town is full of racists and sadistic idiots.  Calder needs to capture Bubber before the bad guys do.  He also must protect Bubba’s black friend.  There is a subplot which I really couldn’t follow having to do with yet another love triangle between characters played by Janice Rule, Robert Duvall, and Richard Bradford.  The various story threads build to a climax.  But that was not enough for this very lame movie so we are treated to a massive fire and series of explosions.  With Miriam Hopkins as Bubber’s mother and Angie Dickinson as Calder’s wife.

Marlon Brando complained that all he did in this movie was “wander around” and Arthur Penn disowned it.  Take their advice, and mine, and don’t bother.  Or do.  IMDb inexplicably has this rated at 7.3/10.

What’s Up, Tiger Lily
Directed by Woody Allen and Senkich Taniguchi
Written by Woody Allen, Louise Lasser, et al
1966/US/Japan
Benedict Pictures Corp./National Recording Studios/Toho Company
First viewing/Netflix rental

[box] Woody Allen: They wanted in Hollywood to make the definitive spy picture. And they came to me to supervise the project, you know, because I think that, if you know me at all, you know that death is my bread and danger my butter – oh, no, danger’s my bread, and death is my butter. No, no, wait. Danger’s my bread, death – no, death is – no, I’m sorry. Death is my – death and danger are my various breads and various butters.[/box]

Woody Allen’s first film couldn’t be sillier.  It made me laugh and that’s all I ask for from a comedy.

American International Pictures bought up a pretty lame-looking Japanese spy film for $66,000 then decided the plot was too complicated for American audiences.  Someone came up with the idea of re-dubbing it as a comedy and Woody Allen got the job.

The Japanese film featured lots of violence and female flesh.  It involved the search for a secret microfilm.  Allen and his friends stripped out the soundtrack, dubbed the film over in English, and added wacky sound effects and a score performed  by The Lovin’ Spoonful.  The story becomes a spy spoof about the search for a secret egg salad recipe.  I thought the one-liners were amusing and was surprised by the explicitness of some of the dialogue.

Rasputin: The Mad Monk
Directed by Don Sharp
Written by Anthony Hinds
1966/UK
Hammer Films/Seven Arts Productions
First viewing/Netflix rental

[box] Grigori Rasputin: When I go to confession I don’t offer God small sins, petty squabbles, jealousies… I offer him sins worth forgiving![/box]

It’s lousy as a history of Rasputin’s role in the downfall of the Romanoffs.  On the other hand, it’s a solid Hammer Horror entry lifted by one of Christopher Lee’s very best performances in the lead.

Rasputin (Lee) is a very worldly monk with heavy drinking and womanizing among his many sins.  His hypnotic powers eventually attract Sonya, a lady-in-waiting to the Czarina, whom he has arrange an accident for the little tsarovich Alexis in the icy Neva.  Rasputin then cures the lad of a fever and earns a place at court through the gratitude of Tsarina Alexandra.  The plot has plenty of room for Hammer’s trademark glossy period production, graphic violence, legs, and cleavage.

Christopher Lee totally occupies his role as Rasputin and is on screen for almost every minute of this movie.  His performance alone makes the film worth seeing.  On the other hand, my husband watched because of an interest in the history and was disappointed. I’m giving it a recommendation to fans of the genre, studio, or Lee.

Home Alone
Directed by Christopher Columbus
Written by John Hughes
1990/USA
Hughes Entertainment/20th Century Fox
First viewing/Amazon Instant

[box] Marley: You can be too old for a lot of things, but you’re never too old to be afraid.[/box]

This movie made me feel like an old, grumpy, prude in between some of the good sight gags.  And I don’t like that feeling at all.  When did a child cursing, striking, and smart-mouthing their family members become humorous?  This is part of why modern comedies have kept me out of the theaters for years.  My husband laughed more than I did and I get why it made money.  Don’t care to see it again.

The Shop Around the Corner
Directed by Ernst Lubitsch
Written by Samson Raphaelson from a play by Miklos Lazlo
1940/USA
Repeat viewing/Amazon Instant
One of 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die

[box] Klara Novak (Miss Novak): Well I really wouldn’t care to scratch your surface, Mr. Kralik, because I know exactly what I’d find. Instead of a heart, a hand-bag. Instead of a soul, a suitcase. And instead of an intellect, a cigarette lighter… which doesn’t work.[/box]

I try to watch this every Christmas.  Every music cue, every line of dialogue, the arch of every eyebrow —  all of it is part of me.   I unreservedly love this movie.  Find more gushing here.

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
Directed by Henry Selick
Written by Caroline Thompson, Michael McDowell, and Tim Burton
1993/USA
Touchstone Pictures/Skellington Productions Inc./Tim Burton Productions
First viewing/Amazon Instant

[box] Jack Skellington: [singing] There’s children throwing snowballs / instead of throwing heads / they’re busy building toys / and absolutely no one’s dead![/box]

Cute and funny animated musical that I somehow missed over the years. Not going on my annual list.

A little gift from Disney and the warmest of wishes from me.  May those who are cold be cozy and warm and those in the heat be cool.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fIomAY6SYA

Saw three more great documentaries about film over the past couple days.

American Movie
Directed by Chris Smith
US/1999
First viewing/Amazon Instant

[box] Mark Borchardt: “Coven,” man, we gotta get this sucker done, though. Seriously. Last night, man, I was so drunk, I was calling Morocco, man. Calling, trying to get to the Hotel Hilton at Tangiers in Casablanca, man. That’s, I mean, that’s, that’s pathetic, man! Is that what you wanna do with your life? Suck down peppermint schnapps and try to call Morocco at two in the morning? That’s senseless! But that’s what happens, man. [/box]

Chris Smith’s American Movie (1999) is a documentary about Mark Borchardt, a thirty-something stoner that still lives with his parents and has woman trouble.  He has also been working on a short horror film called “Coven” for several years.  The documentary covers the final days of shooting of that film.  It is absolutely hilarious without disrespecting the subjects or their dreams.  I laughed out loud so many times!  If you have any affection all for inept low-budget filmmakers with vision I would say it is not to be missed.   Highly recommended. 

Stanley Kubrick:  A Life in Pictures
Directed by Jan Harlan
US/2001
First viewing/Amazon Instant

[box] Jack Nicholson [about Kubrick]: Everyone pretty much acknowledges that he’s the man, and I still feel that underrates him.[/box]

I thought this was a superlative look at the director.  I learned a lot – including that he married the German singer at the end of “Paths of Glory”. But the best part comes right after the opening credits.  Clips from all his movies are edited in such a way that the viewer can only leave the experience with an awestruck “wow”. The shots are all that spectacular – it’s like sensory overload.  Then the documentary goes on a more traditional track but still with excellent coverage of all the films and many behind the scenes shots.  The complete film is also available on YouTube.

Harold and Lillian: A Hollywood Love Story
Directed by Daniel Raim
US/2015
First viewing/Netflix Streaming

[box] [last lines] Lillian Michelson: The challenges that one has to overcome, I think is, making the other person feel that you are really vital to the partner’s life, in every sense, and that – there’s no enemy there. Even if you fight, there’s no enemy there. We were a team. [closes book][/box]

Fascinating documentary covers the 60 years of Harold and Lillian Michelson’s life and work at the center of the Hollywood movie industry.. Considering that she ran a research library and he started out as an anonymous story board artist that was quite a feat!  Lillian provided all the myriad detail that allowed production teams to create whole worlds on sound stages for many great movies.  Her library also became a kind of salon where people met and talked.  Harold was a storyboard artist – a profession I had not realized existed.  I thought the directors came up with the shot ideas but not so I guess!  Even Hitchcock hired him!  Later Harold became an art director and production designer.  And to boot, the two clearly had one of the great romances and were loved by all who knew them.  Recommended.

Off track yet again.  Clearly I do not find the mid-60’s the most inspiring time for cinema.  Never fear, I will finish 1965 by the end of the year.  But this list was so tempting!  Documentaries About Movies. 

Cameraman: The Life and Work of Jack Cardiff (2010)
Directed by Craig McCall

[box] Most directors who have been around for a while, acquire a gaunt, soul-scarred look associated with fighter pilots who have survived a war. – Jack Cardiff[/box]

 Fantastic look at the career of oft-lauded cinematographer/director Jack Cardiff, who is most associated with The Archers but did so much more.  In his 90th year, Cardiff is a wonderful storyteller and of course the clips are mind-bogglingly beautiful.  Recommended.  Film and trailer also available on YouTube.

The gigantic, unwieldy Technicolor camera with which Cardiff (seated) did his magic.

American Grindhouse (2010)
Directed by Elijah Drenner

[box] [asked what his epitaph should read] He seen somethin’ different. And he done it. — Herschell Gordon Lewis[/box]

It’s a fascinating documentary chronicling the history of exploitation cinema from “educational” teens-run-amok movies to nudie cuties through where it ended up in  porn.  This stuff (not the porn part) is my jam and I loved this one.  Lots of commentary by both the men who cranked it out and by mainstream directors inspired by their days at the grindhouses on 42nd Street.  

Dwain Esper – Godfather of Exploitation and auteur of such greats as “Sex Maniac” and “Reefer Madness”

Trog
Directed by Freddie Francis
Written by Aben Kandel; original story by Peter Bryan and John Gilling
1970/UK
Herman Cohen Productions
First viewing/FilmStruck

[box] Dr. Brockton: Malcolm, get me my hypo-gun – quickly![/box]

Joan Crawford’s swan song doesn’t leave us wanting more of the same, that’s for sure.

A group of three hunks goes exploring a cave in their underwear (seriously).  There they encounter a strange creature who kills one of them.  Crawford plays a kindly scientist who believes that the creature, whom she calls “Trog”, is the missing link between ape and man.  She sets out to prove this by teaching him to speak.  In the meantime, evil real estate developer Michael Gogh seeks to rid his neighborhood of the beast by fair means or foul.

Trog gets way too much screen time for a guy wearing one of the ape suits rejected by 2001: A Space Odyssey.  The movie is epically bad in every way.   The special effects and dialogue are especially ghastly.  So naturally I had to watch before FilmStruck leaves us.  Recommended to the like-minded.

Adventures of a Dentist (Pokhozhdeniya zubnogo vracha)
Directed by Elem Klimov
Written by Aleksandr Volodin from his play
1965/USSR
Mosfilm/Trete Tvorcheskoe Obedinenie
First viewing/FilmStruck

“No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought? –Poirot” ― Agatha Christie, One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

The mid-sixties were a great time for whimsical slavic comedies.

This one is about a newly-graduated dentist who discovers he has a magical ability to perform pain-free extractions.  This brings him some fame but also troubles when no one will go to any other dentist in town.

The film runs tells a really simple story with a coming-of-age theme.  I think this will blend in my mind with all the other similar Eastern European comedies of the period within a few days.  On the other hand, it was a charming way to spend less than an hour.

Montage of stills