One Million Years B.C.
Directed by Don Chaffey
Written by Michael Carreras adapted from an original screenplay by Mickell Novak et al
1966/UK
Associated British Pathe/Hammer Films/Seven Arts Productions
First viewing/YouTube
[box] [repeated line] Loana: Akita![/box]
Bad anthropology meets ridiculous plot. Throw in Raquel Welch and Ray Harryhausen and you’ve got this woman’s jam!
The first thing to know is that none of the grunts or the primitive language spoken in this movie is subtitled. That is probably not a bad thing. Tumak (John Richardson) is banished from his savage tribe of murderous rapists and their chattel. A long walk takes him to the coast where he meets up with a vastly more civilized tribe.
All the women in the coast dweller tribe have bikini bodies to match their push-up leather bikinis – none more so than Loana (Raquel Welch). Loana takes pity on Tumak and they are soon an item. Random giant creature and dinosaur attacks and battles take place every few minutes. These alternate with fist fights and at least one cat fight.
I don’t ask much of movies most days. I thought this stupid movie was an absolute gas. It moves along briskly along from cheesecake to creatures in a thoroughly entertaining manner. Ray Harryhausen apparently had even less of a budget than usual but his stuff is always fun to watch. Don’t know why they threw in really cheesy live lizard effects as well but that only added to the fun.
