Robot Monster
Directed by Phil Tucker
Written by Wyott Ordung
1953/USA
Three Dimension Pictures
Repeat viewing/Amazon Prime
Great One: Earth Ro-Man, you violate the laws of plans. To think for yourself is to be like the hu-man.
Ro-Man: Yes! To be like the hu-man! To laugh! Feel! Want! Why are these things not in the plan?
Great One: You are an extension of the Ro-Man, and a Ro-Man you will remain. Now, I set you into motion. One: destroy the girl. Two: destroy the family. Fail, and I will destroy you!
This is my second viewing of this bad-movie classic after a gap of two years and seeing several more of its most notorious bretheren . It stood up as still the most hilarious example of its genre I have ever seen.
A family decides to picnic in what looks to be an abandoned rock quarry on the day Robot Monster, who refers to himself as Ro-Man, is sent to destroy all the Hu-mans (as he and the Great Guidance refer to our species) on earth. Ro-Man is played by a large man in a gorilla suit wearing a diving helmet and moves very, very slowly.
The survivors have all been innoculated with a serum which prevents every known disease and also happens to defeat Ro-Man’s death ray. There are thus 8 survivors left on earth, most of them conveniently located with yards of the Ro-Man’s cave headquarters. Ro-Man offers them a painless death if they surrender but they decline preferring “peace with honor”.
Ro-Man: I cannot – yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do “must” and “cannot” meet? Yet I must – but I cannot!
The rest of the “plot” is perhaps unnecessary save to say that Ro-Man’s downfall is his unseemly feelings for the family’s hot eldest daughter. In between, we get random stock footage of dinosaurs fighting, a very bizaare wedding, and some of the most hilarious dialog ever captured on film. With the “automatic billion bubble machine”, which receives a special credit.
How I loved this movie! I had a silly grin on my face except during the many times I was laughing out loud. Much of the fun comes from the many unexpected, because ludicrous, happenings so I will not spoil these for anyone brave enough to try this. I suggest getting together with a like-minded friend and possibly a few drinks for maximum enjoyment. It is only about an hour long.
Multiple complete versions of this gem are available on YouTube, including the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, which I have never seen. This is funny enough without an added riff track.
Trailer
Joe Dante on Robot Monster – Trailers from Hell
Yeah, I love this movie. I love me some MST3K but there is NOTHING they can do to make Robot Monster any more entertaining.
Yes, it’s kind of perfect in a way.
You are right, I will have to see this movie. This sounds awesome.
Let me know how you like it!
I plan a bad movie party. Thanks!
Stick around and you can have a bad movie festival …
Start popping that pop corn!
You were absolutely right, this movie is amazing. My only regret is that we stuck to drinking tea rather than beer. The real asset here is the dialogue. That is just… unbelievable.
The mind that could conceive it all is too indescribable to ponder! I re-watched the trailer just now and it made me smile all over again.